Table For Me

why eating alone in public can be rad

eating alone is worse than possible death

Wait, what? Rewind.

I’ve flown from my hometown in central Alaska, to the big city on the coast for a music festival. After busy hours accompanying choirs and soloists at the state event, my work is done. I drive along the Seward Highway out of Anchorage looking for a place to eat.

I relish this drive along the coast with the mountain backdrop. I find a little local restaurant and stop. I order a bleu cheese burger and fries.

Eating out alone makes me feel confident and free. I savor my time solo adulting like a piece of chocolate melting on my tongue. But this isn’t the case for everybody.

Years ago I listened to a Ted Talk by Teresa Rodriguez and she said something I haven’t forgotten:

“When I researched the women in my network about what they were afraid of when they traveled by themselves it wasn’t scorpions or being taken by terrorists. It was dining alone.”

I was astonished. There are people who fear eating alone in public more than being taken by terrorists? What?! I feel like this shouldn’t be a thing. Can we make this not a thing?

so i made a list…

It’s a list of inspiration to get your dine-alone courage juices flowing. Come in for a bite. Let’s eat solo.

Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash

1. honor yourself

Imagine treating yourself as the best company you could possibly have.

“Before you begin to eat,
raise your glass in honor
of yourself.
The company is the best you’ll ever have.”

2. dear self,

I didn’t have to cook, or clean up, or tell my kids to USE YOUR NAPKIN! Or wait for my partner to decide what to order. Thank you.

Photo by Hanny Naibaho on Unsplash

“Thinking of the good things in your life as gifts guards against taking them for granted. Try to relish and savor the gifts you’ve received.”

We forget what a privilege it is to have enough and more than enough. To sit in a safe, comfortable place enjoying a meal of our choosing is truly a gift that not everyone gets to experience. Lean into this experience as something you can be grateful for.

3. it’s a date, not a funeral

“You’re born by yourself. You can do things by yourself.” -Kenechi Awkwards.

Ok, so we’re not truly born by ourselves. I mean, we came out of someone. But we absolutely can do things by ourselves. What would a date out with yourself look like?

My dream solo dining date is a meal at The Bees Knees. The honeycomb ice cream is an experience worth the 45 minute drive. And that’s just dessert. There are a lot of things I can think of that are worse than a date with myself.

4. look as good as some flaming mallows

“You won’t know if people are staring at you because you’re alone, because you’re seriously slamming that pasta, or because you look incredible.” - Annette White

In her article, Annette White offers some interesting tips in the solo dining experience, including what to wear. It makes sense to increase your confidence by feeling comfortable and a bit stellar.

5. there’s a lot to savor

“Lose yourself in other things so you can truly focus on the experience and the feelings it evokes.”

This idea reminds me of videos of deaf babies hearing for the first time. They are so engaged with the environment around them. They’re paying attention in a big way and they allow the emotion of the experience to flow.

What’s going on with your senses?

How’s the vibe, the energy at the restaurant? Any interesting people or decor? Maybe you’re singing along to music that reminds you of rollerskating to the radio in your garage as a kid in the 80’s.

Paying attention to all your senses makes for an experience that takes you out of your self-conscious thinking and into new territory. Explore.

6. at least you’re being brave

You have survived every hard thing in your life thus far. You can survive eating alone at a restaurant. Maybe you’ll discover you really like it! Even if it ends up meh it’s probably 100% better than being kidnapped by terrorists or stung by a scorpion. Yeah, pretty sure.

7. you will die

“You must decide whether you have come here to experience life or to avoid life.” -Sadhguru

Robin Williams has something to say about this in this famous scene where he reminds us to make our lives extraordinary. If we can eat alone when it’s a legitimate fear, then we can do a lot we don’t think we can.

An extraordinary life does not entail hiding away from experiences. Sadhguru’s wisdom can be comforting to remember when your upper lip is starting to sweat at the prospect of eating alone in public: “At the most you will die, nothing more. At least live before you die because anyway you will die.”

8. do i have food in my teeth?

If there is no one in the forest to hear a tree fall, does it make a sound? Does having food in your teeth matter if you are dining with your own sweet company? Mmm, food philosophy.

9. discovery

What if all these years you didn’t ever eat alone at a restaurant and then you do and you’re sitting there enjoying it and thinking oh my god how have I never done this before and then a whole world of possibilities opens up and you can now travel and do things you’ve never allowed yourself to do because you thought eating alone would be like waiting in a French prison for your turn at the guillotine and instead now you’re eating in an open-air French cafe and life is great and wonderful and it’s partially great and wonderful because you are enjoying your lone self and you are eating and you are alive and you are breathing and tasting and tipping the waiter and walking down the street with a smile on your face and garlic breath?

What if?

Ah, discovery.